05.02.11-T1
So I finally have committed to start my daily blog after a lot of useless thinking and just sheer laziness- and a whole lot of excuses. ” I don’t have a proper laptop” “And what’s in it for me” ” Why would anyone read me”. Sheer excuses of the idle mind! Honestly sometimes just being in your comfort zone and not daring to take risks and make life a twenty weeny difficult just keeps us away from our dreams.
So here is it- a resolve ( I shudder to call it a resolution as I’ve never been able to ever keep up to my resolutions I made every New Year’s eve) to pen down just random ramblings of the resolved Kaysha mind. And trust you me- lots goes on in there.
Just a bit about me for those of you who don’t know me and those of you who think you know me- actually I’m honestly a very private person and no one really knows me; the many split personalities I have probably take over at different times. I don’t even know who I truly am at times. The crazy girl who dances like a nymph to good music after some spirits, the spiritually seeking yogini in search for the truth or a spirited mum whose got her horns up with her kids?
I guess we all have split personalities because we all play different roles in our lives. As I’ve just begun my new decade I guess I’m searching for my true essence and my true calling. Yes yes, they all say that – but truly I believe I’m here to do something purposeful and the search is on!
And like they say the most powerful way to get to the universe is to project yourself to it. I’ve read so many spiritual and enlightened people and they all have the same thing to say- like a broken recorder stuck at your favourite number. True enlightenment can only be found from within and no one in this world has the power to make you happy but yourself.
And often times I’m the victim of my own thoughts and ramifications, wallowing in self pity about God knows what. Truly I don’t have it so bad- life’s been good all these years. And still my mangled mind manages to manifest a problem every single day and daunt in despair. So much for positivity and praise!
I want to start this month counting my blessings and giving thanks for everything I have – often times I even take my breath for granted, not realising that God ( or whatever u call it) has given it to me.
Blessing 1- being a mother.
I think it’s the best feeling in the world. I would be born again as a woman just to be a mom. The unconditional love a mum has for her child is uncountable. I can’t love anybody the way I love my kids and when I read about child abuse by parents – I shudder and my goosebumps rise. How could someone hurt their child? Who is soinhumanely capable?
As my kids enter their teenhood – Rivaa is 14 going 24 and a tech whiz whose wings are waiting to fly and Aarav is 12 going 2, my lil baby whose so protective of me and worships the ground I tread on. Till puberty hits him and he sees the beauty of other women! Not hoping that comes soon.
As I interact with my Internet exposed and very GK savvy kids- I realise there is a space between us; they come from a different generation and as modern and chic as I claim myself to be- I don’t fit. I’d never be them and I’d never understand them fully.
Parenting is as crazy as circumnavigating the globe without a map really- there isn’t a manual for every individual child; raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare and at times I choose defeat. I choose the battles to win and let them win some. But trust me-it’s a full time job as many opposed to believing it to be easy.
I believe my kids are meant for greatness and I keep telling them that every day. All kids need a little help, a little hope and someone who believes in them.
Off for some mummy therapy time- savouring every minute of the last few years I have with them before they fly off my nest into the big bad world; soaring their wings and ekeing out their futures.
But listen to me,
For one moment quit being sad…
Hear blessings dropping their blossoms around you.
– Rumi
With my blessings.
